Sometimes I am not so brave...

My all time favorite novel is The Alchemist by Paul Coelho. This short fable is full of beauty and wisdom. Most of my favorite quotes come from here. Whenever I am feeling a little unsure of what's going on in life, I look back to my list of quotes from this book. Here is one of my favorite excerpts.
Santiago, the young hero of the story is talking one night with the Alchemist, and tells of how his heart is afraid that it will have to suffer. The Alchemist's response is absolutely beautiful:

"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity.

Just cleanin' teeth and stuff

I figure it's time for a post about why I went to Honduras in the first place. To clean teeth! And did I ever. This post may be more interesting to my hygiene ladies. As I tend to get passionate about hygiene, this may be a long one, and I may lose some of you non-hygienist types. It's ok.
The organization I served with, Shoulder to Shoulder, has a brand new medical and dental clinic and they have done a NICE job. I brought my own instruments, not expecting much of the donated clinic instruments, but boy, was I pleasantly surprised. They were fully equipped with plenty of sharp hygiene instruments and ultrasonic tips. They even had Nevi scalers! My favorite. Many of the instruments were better than some I've used in the states. (This says a LOT about Shoulder to Shoulder, but not so much for some Utah dentists...Sorry doctors, just being honest)
I was so spoiled while working there. I learned I was the first hygienist to ever serve with this organization, which also means I was probably the first hygienist ever in that part of the country. Dr. Idalia was so kind and she made it very clear she was grateful I was there. They treated me so well. Anytime I needed my water filled, my assistant would run and do it before I could even stand up. And did you catch that? MY assistant. I had an assistant in addition to an interpreter. I had my own little team. It was SO nice.
Although I had plenty of help and was treated like a hygiene queen, believe me I worked SO HARD. I had between 6 and 9 patients a day, half of which had NEVER had a cleaning before. It was like taking board exams 4 times every day, but even more intense as I was cleaning the whole mouth and not just one quad. And even those who had "regular cleanings," had tons of subgingival calculus.
It was very challenging, but such good experience. I was surprised by what I could do and how quickly I finished difficult patients. And hygiene ladies... you know that amazingly satisfying feeling when you get a huge piece of black calculus.... Oooh, I was feeling that ALL day!

By the end of each day, I was completely beat. I've never better understood the feeling of pure exhaustion. Looking back I really don't know how I finished everybody. Even with a fan and A/C, it was very hot and humid and I was drenched in sweat the entire day. I'm not complaining though. Just amazed I held out that long.

There was one day in particular that I started to feel a bit discouraged. I wondered if all my hard work was even making a difference. Hygiene care is effective if consistent. Will one good cleaning in someone's lifetime really make a difference?
One of my most difficult patients helped to change my perspective. She was an older woman whom I gave a VERY deep cleaning... without anesthetic. She should have hated me. As I was finishing up, I started to apologize that her gums would be so sore before healing up. However, she just got the biggest smile on her face and told me, "Oh, it doesn't matter!! Thank you SO much for what you have done for me. God bless you. Thank you, thank you."
I realized then that it was all worth it. I made a difference to this woman.

Ok this last pic is for my hygiene girls. Would you take a look at this fine pinky/chin fulcrum?? Mrs Veit would be proud. :)

This little Gringa went to Market

One of my favorite things to do in Honduras was to go to Market. Once a week, everyone comes to the center of town and sets up shop. There is tons of fresh produce, and a little bit of everything else. Anything from rap CD's, hammocks, horseshoes, cigars, and clothing, you name it, it was probably there. I even bought me a good pair of jeans for 200 lempiras (roughly 10 US dollars).
I learned as a gringo, they charge you significantly more than they would charge a Honduran. (Not a big surprise.) However, I also learned you will either pay the "gringo price" or "the stupid gringo price." And I feel I did pretty well. I always tried to ask the price in Spanish so I sounded like I sort of knew what was going on. And even if I got ripped off, no biggie. Just helping the economy, right? Besides, I got a way better deal than I'd ever get here.
What I loved most about market was the busyness. There is just so much life there. So much going on, lots of bright colors, fun music playing, chickens running around, or sometimes a horse, or a cow, or maybe even a pig just wandering right on through.
My favorite purchase by far was my mango. When I first saw them, joy filled my soul. The biggest, most beautiful mangos I have ever seen. Almost as big as my head, the perfect coloring and firmness. I wanted to buy them all, but then remembered I'd have to trek them back a long walk home.

Here my friend, Juan Carlos, is teaching me how to pick a good one. Not sure why I look so confused though. Maybe this was my mad face when I realized I wouldn't be able to take them all with me. :)






And here we have the winner and a very happy Colette.

The wheels on the bus

I've spent most of today on my computer trying to figure out how to use iMovie to make a video of my Honduras pics. I sort of want to shoot myself in the head. Oh, it's user friendly enough... but I'm not computer-friendly. At all.
I've given up. I could never have a computer job. Even if I'm doing something productive on a computer, after several hours of starring at a screen I feel I've lost a significant amount of brain cells.

Anyhow... moral of the story. You will NOT be seeing a video of my Honduras pictures. Well, not anytime soon at least.

Instead, to share my Honduran experience, I'll just be posting each day whatever suits my fancy. Today it's transportation.

Most of my time was spent in a very rural area in the region of Intibuca, in a town called Conception. To get to Conception, we took a 7 hour bus ride on roads that looked like this:


As long and as bumpy as it was, I actually loved the drive. It was some of the most beautiful countryside I have ever seen.


Once we were in Conception, we used trucks to get everywhere else. Standard was about 11-13 people per truck. The back was pretty fun for the first 10 mins of every drive. Then after 45mins of ducking branches and blistered palms, you got a little tired.


I tell you what, Hondurans know how to pack 'em in.



And if there's one thing I learned down there, it's that
There's always room for 1 more.

Or in this case, 1 more and her 3mo old baby. Sure, hop on in!
(Oh, and this lady had already WALKED two hours when we picked her up. And she had three more hours to go when we dropped her off. She's visiting her parents for the weekend. I will never again complain about driving 1 1/2 to get to my parents house)

Mucho Gusto Colette

Hola Amigos! I have safely arrived home from my travels afar. I have so many stories and pics to share in many blogs to come. However, I first want to share with you the most meaningful part of my journey.

Whether you recognize it or not, something about traveling seems to change your perspective on life. Sometimes it even makes you reevaluate where you are going and who you think you are. Perhaps it's the unfamiliarity of new people and places that gives you a chance to start fresh, or the fact that all your weaknesses and insecurities seem to slap you in the face. Whatever it is, I am addicted to it.

I'm can't say there was one miraculous moment when everything became clear, but rather it was little things here and there that pointed me in the right direction. You see... at some point while I was away, I finally made friends with this amazing girl. I've always known her, but never really liked her. Her name is Colette. You see, friends, for the first time in my life, I can say that I really like being me. And that's a pretty great feeling.

I have never allowed myself to be happy just the way I am. I have always desperately wanted to, believe me I have, but a part of me just wouldn't allow it. I would always tell myself, "If you were just like this, or you weren't so much like that, then you could be happy. But you're not, so you just can't be, and maybe you never will."
I have always tried to be so hard to be "perfect." But 'perfect' by who's standards? Everyone's. Trouble is, everyone's idea of perfect is different. I have lived my life making decisions so carefully based on, "If I say this, or do that, someone might not like it... or someone might thing it's dumb." "If I wear this, someone might think it's ugly." "I better not do that because someone might not like it, or think it's annoying, blah, blah, blah."

But ya know what? That someone can go to hell.
There I said it. Ha! Haha ha!

I feel so refreshingly free! And... happy?
Yeah, I'm happy. :)

I'm going to stop holding myself back. I'm going to stop saying, "I'd like to do this, but I'm not that type of person." or "I don't think I could pull that off."
Don't get me wrong, I understand realistic expectations, but by golly, there are enough voices in this world telling me I am nothing. It's time I started rooting for my own team.

Like I said before, nothing drastic happened while I was in Honduras to produce this change. I know this is something I have been working towards for quite sometime. I think it just gave me the opportunity to finally make a breakthrough.
I am finally allowing myself to find joy in the journey.


And so,

Mucho gusto, Colette
It's a pleasure to meet you.

You've been hiding for far too long.

Summer of the Duffel

Every weekend, I drive an hour and a half to sleep on a friend's couch/floor/air mattress so I can go to work on Friday mornings for usually 3-6 hours. Then I drive back home. So sometimes I end up spending the same amount of time driving to work as I do working. Usually I try to make a weekend out of it, stay a couple days running errands, visiting, etc. So, needless to say, I have been living out of a duffel bag A LOT this summer. As fun as it has been, it's starting to get old. However, this is my last weekend having to do so. It's time for a change.
I am upgrading to a suitcase.


Because in 1 week,



I am going to HONDURAS!!


For the past couple weeks I've been worried that I wouldn't be able to go with all the craziness that's going on down there. In May they had a massive earthquake that jacked up a bunch of the roads. And now they are in the midst of a MAJOR political crisis. It's a mess. Read more about it HERE. (Yes, this is a link to a Wikipedia article but I figure it summarizes everything better than a million news articles)
However, I will be traveling to a very remote area of the country that is considered very safe.
So plans are still on!!

I found out yesterday we are going for sure! (Unless anything majorly crazy happens over the weekend...please no)
We have extremely limited internet access down there so I'll be posting pics and stories when I get back in the middle of August.

THANK YOU so much to all of you who helped me raise money for this! You have no idea how much I appreciate it and how grateful I am for this opportunity!

Lazy Summer Days

Today I took full advantage of the GORGEOUS Utah summer day. It's about time it started feeling like summer! I love a good rain storm, but I am ready for some true summer heat.

With all my commuting from city to city across the Wasatch Front, my life has felt a little hectic. In the past two months, I think the longest I've stayed, consecutively, in the same city was the five days last week I stayed in Pleasant View. And even on my free days, I haven't really had a break. The rain has kept me inside working on cleaning, organizing, or whatever. I have a hard time not being busy.

However, the sunshine was calling me today. I tried to work on projects, but every time I looked out the window I would get very distracted. It was simply too beautiful a day to stay inside. So I caved. I found the perfect spot of grass under a tree, with the perfect ratio of sun to shade, and just enjoyed. Mmm.... bliss


Needless to say, it was a much appreciated, good ol' lazy summer day.

I needed this today

Maybe you do too...

Happy and Beautiful Rainy Sabbath

Just keeping you posted

In the last month or so, I...
Passed ALL my

board exams!

Graduated from college!

Moved back to Pleasant View



Went on a graduation celebration cruise!
Received my dental hygiene license!

AND


Got a job!!

And, we're back!

Hello dear friends!
I apologize to those of you who came looking for my blog over the past few weeks and found it was indeed, GONE.
It thought it was looking a little sickly so I chose to hide it for a bit until it was feeling better. But the time has come. It has now received a make-over and is ready to be revealed! With the help of my dear friend Rachel, and this handy little blog, SJH Blog Designs, (highly recommended!) I made the needed changes.

Now it's time to get down to business... some serious catch up posting.

Thanks for those of you who encouraged me to get this back up and running! It's nice to know someone reads this thing!

I'd rather be picking berries

As I sit here in the living room, trying to finish up the last project for a class I have neglected the entire semester, I can hear some neighboring childfolk outside.

"We have to pick berries... for our survival."
"I have this special seasoning that will turn 6 berries into 12. Then we will squish them."
"No, there's not enough time."
"What do you mean there's not enough time? There's nothing to do."
"We have to find water. Nobody can survive without water."
"I'm going on a quest for rock"
"I'm going on a quest for something to do."
"HEY! cherries!"
"Wanna have a cherry war? Grab as many as you can. And lots of hard ones."

Sounds like they will survive. I must admit I badly wish I was outside with them. Cherry war and all. Soon enough I myself will be frolicking in divine weather and 'picking berries... for my survival." Summer is calling....

But as for now, I'll be here. Typing away the last of my school days...

A Dream Coming True...

Dearest Family and Friends,
I am excited to share with you that this summer I will be fulfilling one of my long time dreams! Ever since I was 12 I have wanted to go on an international humanitarian trip. I have been more seriously looking into this type of thing for the past five years, and I am finally making it happen.
As many of you know, I have already been able to fill part of this goal with my involvement with the Kaiizen Foundation, on a few quick, but extremely meaningful, weekend trips down to orphanages in Mexico.
These trips in no way quenched my thirst, but only deepened my love for humanitarian work. Also, ever since I decided to go into dental hygiene, I decided that I would someday use my skills as a hygienist to bless the lives of others as much as I can. Now that I am graduating this year, I can wait no longer!
At the end of July, I will be traveling to Santa Lucia, Honduras for a two week humanitarian trip in which I will be able to serve with an organization called Shoulder to Shoulder. There I will be serving in the dental clinic and providing services and education to needy members of the community. I couldn't be more excited about it!

Amazingly, I have already been able to take care of airfare, but I need help raising the $900 trip fee. This covers expenses and supplies while I am volunteering. And here's where I need your help!
First of all, if you are in a position to do so, I am asking for any amount of donation you would like to contribute. Every little bit helps! (**For tax purposes, if you write a check directly to the organization, it is considered a charitable contribution and you will receive a tax receipt**)
Secondly, I would also love to help you out anyway I can in return for helping me. If you have any odd jobs that need tackling, I am up for hire! I will have some free time during the month of May while I am waiting on my dental hygiene license.
And lastly, if you have any other great fundraising ideas, I would love to hear your advice.

Thank you so much to all of you for supporting me and being a part of my life!!

Much love,
Colette

You can contact me through email if you have any questions, etc... colettehinchcliff@gmail.com
or just go ahead and call me!

Here's to You

I'm not sure how I got so lucky, but I've got, hands down, some of the greatest people ever in my life. I'm definitely feeling the love. :)

Prime example: Late last night when I found out I needed to be completely moved/cleaned/gone from my apartment by 5pm TODAY, two of these wonders showed up at midnight to help me clean. Did they have work early today? Yes. Should they have been sleeping at midnight? Definitely. Did they help me clean anyway? Yeah. :)

Also, I am so in love with all of you who made my day fabulous yesterday. I so love birthdays cause you get to talk to lots of people you love.

Oh! I like you people so much!! Really, I have such a love for you in my heart. Thank you thank you dear friends!

Be of Good Cheer!

Happy Sunday to all!
And what a sunny, blessed day it is.

I just wanted to express my gratitude and my belief in the gospel of Jesus Christ. I feel so much joy I can hardly contain it!

This weekend, we as latter-day saints had the opportunity to participate in General Conference in which we were able to listen to the words and wisdom of the apostles of God. I always look forward to this time of year because no matter what is going on in my life, I know that Conference will bring me peace. This conference was no exception. So many of the words and thoughts touched my heart and have brought me a peace I have not felt for weeks. I feel strengthened and motivated to press forward and continue improving!

Here are some of the thoughts/scriptures I particularly loved:

"God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."

"In this life we cannot do great things, only small things with great love." -Mother Teresa

"You are never lost when you can see the temple."

And so many others....

God be with you till we meet again!!


*If you missed it, don't worry! You can hear/read/watch any of the talks online at www.lds.org

you'll want to watch this one...

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1905356

What the...?

My little brother showed me this pic today. Apparently it's a real book. Don't ask me how he found it.
This is so weird, I can't stop laughing. Every time I look at it I crack up. Either it's really that funny, or it's just really that late...

Just wanted to share the joy.

15 minutes of fame

Ok, well more like 2 minutes on the local news. Ha ha.

http://www.abc4.com/mediacenter/local.aspx?articleID=91453


And the local newspaper...
http://www.heraldextra.com/content/view/302223/17/

And the UVU website...
http://www.uvu.edu/csh/dental/about/news.html

Also, let me clarify...
Our "extensive research" involved reading and summarizing a few articles. There's no way I can take credit for true research. I feel slightly silly, ok, a LOT silly that we got so much attention from this!

Poll: Milk, or no milk?

I have a dilemma of sorts that needs solving. This is very important. Please participate.

Just this morning, I was doin' my thing, eating my usual bowl of oatmeal when my roommate Erin asks,
"Do you put milk on your oatmeal after it's cooked?"
"um...yes?...I think that's normal" I replied, somewhat taken aback that this was even a question.
"So you cook it, and then put milk over it? I don't think that's normal."
"Yeah, it's just like any other cereal. You don't use milk?"
I receive a wide-eyed glance and then, "No, you've seen me eat it at school... I just cook it, and then eat it."
"Hmm, well I'm pretty sure milk is normal." I continued to defend my oatmeal habits, but to no avail.
"I don't know, but I don't think that's normal. I think it's abnormal."

As you can see, we have a true dilemma here. Please help us out....

Eating your oatmeal with milk, after it's cooked is:
NORMAL or ABNORMAL

Please comment with your vote.

Banished

From this day forth, Colette Lara Hinchcliff is hereby banished from all activities considered to be entertaining, enjoyable, or social in nature. This banishment is not to be lifted until the evening of the 24th of March in the year of our Lord, 2009. Until this date, said detainee will be consigned to a hermit life of study and practice of all matters dental hygiene. On this blessed day of March 24th, detainee is to complete both segments of the written Dental Hygiene National Board Exam. Upon completion of this exam, the prisoner will be released and will be *free to live as she so pleases.

*The term "free" is used loosely in this decree as the detainee will still be under binding contract to study and practice for the written and clinical Anesthesia exam to be given on the 17th and 18th day of April, 2009. However, complete freedom will not be granted until the 2nd day of May, 2009, after the completion of the clinical dental hygiene exam.

All readers of this decree are hereby employed to be enforcers of this banishment, for the good of the prisoner and all other personages coming into close proximity.

Dire consequences are to follow for the non-compliance of this decree. Punishment will be inflicted in the form of extreme guilt, excessive worry, sorrow, grief, and uncontrollable weeping the day before and several days following the examination date. In the extreme case of complete negligence to this decree, severe punishment may include failure of examination, and therefore failure at life.

Thank you Nyquil

It is 3:35 PM. I am just getting up for the day. I went to bed some, uh 16 hours ago? Yeah, that's right.
Thank you. Thank you for sleeping away my life, cherry flavored Nyquil.

Hey, Keep It Down Up There!

Wow, my brain has been on information overload lately. Last night I couldn't sleep cause my mind was going a million miles an hour.

"Did I call my patient for tomorrow? Is she going to show up this time? Probably not..."
"Who can I call if she doesn't show up?"
"Did I finish my Health Communication Page? And my disability aid? Will I have time in the morning to study for that test?"
"Do I need to find a new anesthesia patient?"
"How am I going to get a hold of my board patient?"
"Is that lady going to email me back tomorrow?"
"When will I get my tax return. I hope soon"
"Maybe I should get a job..."
"But what kind of place would hire me just one day a week?"
"I could donate plasma... ouch"
"Why is my landlord so frustrating?"
"Maybe I should look for a new place to live."
"But then I'd have to find someone to buy my contract. Maybe I'll put an add on craigslist..."
"Oh, I need to remember to call and change that reservation"
"When am I going to have time to prepare a lesson this week?"


Ssshhhhhh!!!!! Be quiet little brain! Just go to sleep!!!

How Smart Are You?

My brother just sent me an email with this link. Supposedly it's a Japanese IQ test they give to people applying for jobs. Read the rules and then give it a try.

Japanese River IQ Game



Rules:
1) Everyone must cross the river
2) Only 2 people on the raft at a time
3) The father cannot stay with either of the daughters without the mother's presence
4) The mother cannot stay with either of the sons without the father's presence
5) The thief (striped shirt) cannot stay with any family member if the policeman is not there
6) Only the father, mother, and policeman know how to operate the raft


HERE is the link. Click on the blue circle to get started! Click on the people to get them on the raft. Then click on the red pole on the opposite side of the river to move the raft.

It took me about 30 minutes to figure it out. 30 minutes full of mumbling, "this is HARD." "No, this.... is IMPOSSIBLE!" It's definitely a fun kind of frustrating. But my friends, it is not impossible. I was feeling pretty proud of myself for even getting it done. That is until I gave it to my mom and she did it in 3 minutes. Apparently I would never get hired in Japan. All you smarties will probably get it right off. Give it a try!

Cookie Monster

I like to consider myself as a pretty healthy eater. When I've got it around, I eat handfuls of spinach every day, just because I like it. I can single handedly finish off one of those huge spinach bins from Costco in about a week. I add flaxseed to my Zoom (yummy whole wheat cereal), I don't like red meat, and I'd eat handfuls of fruit everyday if it wasn't so darn expensive.
However, when it comes to certain baked goods... I'm a goner. There are no limits. I can easily take down five chocolate chip cookies in a single sitting with little shame. Brownies or Rice Krispie Treats are worse, especially when they are still in the pan. When I can't count how many I've had, I take 'just a little more.' And then, "uh-oh, that corner is sticking out... I'd better take that off just to make it even." Before I know it, half the pan is gone, with no one around to blame but myself. But then again, who's blaming anyone? I'm really doing you a favor, right? I mean, somebody's gotta eat those...

Things I Love: ZUMBA!

Pronounced ZOOM-BA
(Only clarified here because when I first saw it advertised, I thought, what the heck is 'ZUM-ba'? Silly me.)

By far my favorite class at the gym. So good it helped me finally figure out a workout schedule for myself that I actually look forward to.

I've been going for months now and I never get bored of it. I was hooked from the start. I LOVE it!

Every Monday at 4:30, you know where to find me!

Never Alone

Whew... Well I think I made it through! Some of you may have noticed from a previous entry that I've been feeling a little discouraged, to say the least. This past week I feel like a hurricane swept through my life. I was doing just dandy, feeling pretty good about things, and then WHOOOOM! Every major aspect of my life just seemed to fall apart. Even my immune system! I really never get sick, maybe once a year. Of course it happens when everything else is going wrong. I don't think I got one thing done this week I planned to do, as I was too busy just trying to hold everything together.
At times I felt so completely alone and overwhelmed with doubt. However, looking back over the week, I realize I wasn't left alone for even a second. I can see God's hand in so many instances, even my worst moments. I see him working through all of you.

Like when you came home from a hard day at work, but patiently listened anyway, as you always do.

Or when several of you sent me a text or a kind word. You didn't know how much I needed that.

And of course when you, make me laugh no matter what mood I'm in, share your sweet potato fries, and take me to the movies.

Or when you, who know me all too well and have been through this with me numerous times before, were still so patient and understanding, and brought me a smile with your 'happy thoughts'. (Not to mention the Nyquil and cough drops)

And when all of you, let me come over any time I need anything and feed me truffles, "cookies," and chamomile tea.

Or you, a friend who hardly knows me, amazingly seems to know me better than I know myself. :)

And you, being SO busy yourself, were willing to come over late at night, just to talk.

Thank you for being in my life. I am thankful our paths have crossed. I know Heavenly Father places people in our lives at certain times for a reason. I know why you are in mine.

Things I Love: Websites

Recently I've discovered and have been using some great websites that are helping me keep up on my goals. Just wanted to share them with you...

www.mint.com
"The Best Free Way to Manage Your Money"

I used to do my budget on an excel file, but that was a pain, as I had to keep every receipt, and enter it into categories, etc. Then I found Mint! It does that for you!
Warning: It does require your bank account info, credit card info, however much info you feel comfortable giving. (It has to have that info or it wouldn't work) It really creeped me out at first so I did a little homework. I emailed the channel 2 guy "Get Gephart" and asked him to take a look at it. He said he didn't know a lot about it, but he has seen it "listed in several articles by reputable news outlets." Whatever that means. Anyway, I've been using it a few months and I feel pretty safe about it. The website is also secured by VeriSign, TRUSTe, and McAfee, which makes me feel pretty ok about it. It's made my budgeting life much easier!


www.shutterfly.com
"Tell Your Story"

This one is my creative outlet. I love organizing and scrapbooking my photos, but I never have time or money for that anymore. Shutterfly has been great for me because it's like 'online scrapbooking'. I've recently been working on a Photo Book of all my pictures I took on my trips to Mexico and I've loving how it's turning out. It's fun because when I need a quick break I can sign on and work on it for just a few minutes. Then when I'm done, I'll get it printed and have a scrapbook of these trips I never would have had time to make before!

www.etsy.com
"For All Things Handmade"

Ok, so honestly this may be more of a hindrance to my goal of "saving money," but this website is so fun. I am continually amazed at the talents people share here. I also love the idea of being able to buy completely unique and beautiful items that you would never find at a Target, or Walmart, or anywhere else for that matter. It's a great place to find gifts, decorating ideas, jewelry, etc.


www.allrecipes.com

This is where I find and organize most of my recipes. You can search for recipes and each one has reviews and suggestions of people who have tried it. You can also start your own free recipe box to organize your favorites. It's also great when someone asks you for a recipe, you can email it easily! Another of my favorite features is this: with recipes already on the site, you can change the number of servings you want to make, and it changes the amounts of ingredients for you! Love it.

Confessions of a Troubled Heart

Allow me to be quite personal in this post. I have been thinking a lot, and I just need to sort through my thoughts. If you have any thoughts or advice I would love to hear from you.

Earlier this week, I had one of my hardest days at school. It had nothing to do with what we were doing, but more with what I was feeling. In class we were talking about preparing for our National Board Exams. At first I think I started to feel nervous about how I could ever be ready for such a daunting exam. I had this overwhelming feeling of discouragement and doubt. After class I went to my car and just cried.
I kept asking myself, "what is wrong with me?" and "why am I so worried about a silly test?"
I realized then I wasn't really worried about dental hygiene or exams, or school at all. I was just so disappointed in myself. Mostly in my lack of confidence and feelings of inadequacy.
Later that day I had more time to think about what was going on with me. It was hard to think clearly, as I had stressed myself out so much my head was pounding. I think this day is something that had been coming for a while, I just didn't want to deal with it. These are thoughts I have had for years, but I somehow convinced myself I had conquered these issues, when I now realize I have just been suppressing them.

I have come to realize I don't know myself at all. I feel I have been living the way I think others want to me to live for my whole life. I am ashamed that I don't have many strong opinions of my own. I have watched people I admire my whole life, wishing and trying to be more like them, and then falling ever so short. I don't know what my strengths are. I know all too well my weaknesses. I feel selfish.

I want to live purposefully.
I want to have meaning in my life.
I want to live for the happiness of others and not just myself.
I want to know who I am, and what I believe in.
I feel weak. I want to be strong.
I want to value myself.
I want to believe in myself
I want to be able to look at others and admire their strengths without feeling inadequate myself.


I have no idea how to do this. I have been struggling with this my entire life. I feel I do everything I am "supposed" to do. Some days it helps, others days I feel more frustrated. Several of you have encouraged me to blog more. The truth is, the reason my blog is so empty is because I am afraid of myself. I am afraid to say, 'this is me,' 'this is what is important to me.'
But I am tired of being afraid. And so, as one effort in finding myself, I will be using this blog as a means to my self discovery.

If you care enough to be reading this, you are probably someone I love and admire more than you will ever know. I thank you for being a part of my life and allowing me to learn from you.

12 hour Wednesdays

School started up again at UVU today. My last semester of dental hygiene!! Whoo-hoo. (Well, at least until I get my license. I've still got more school later)
So, my class schedule isn't too bad this semester... except for Wednesdays. Wow. Between two clinic sessions, an Oral-B presentation, an ethics class, and another dental hygiene class, the longest break I had today was about 12 minutes! I got home at about 8:30pm making it a 12 1/2 hour school day! My brain is moosh... pudding...soup...soft and squishy... discombobulated.

I am tired.




Such is the life I suppose! It was quite the adjustment going from holiday break, doing whatever I pleased, to a schedule set out for me every minute. It's enough that it's got me blogging, just so I can feel like part of this day I have a life that is my own.

In other news... the heater is working! And I couldn't be happier about it! (More to come on this story later. Be excited. It's a good one.)